Maybe this post will resonate with you... Sometimes events fall out in such a way that it seems like no one cares about you. Ever feel that? You know you’re being irrational, or at least you hope you are, but you just hurt to feel that you are cared for.
I had an instance recently where I felt like some people who are important to me didn’t care about me. There was no explanation given for dropping out on our plans and communication was poor. When I asked for one it was ignored. The real problem is probably miscommunication, but it left a sour taste in my mouth. Do they not like spending time with me? Do people actually hate me and they’re just not telling me? Do they talk about me badly behind my back when I’m not there? Why does this one instance bring up years of other insecurities and other miscommunications that I thought were done and over with?!
All of this comes down to the questions “Is everything okay? Am I okay?” These are painful. The short answer to the two questions is yes, but it feels like the answer should come naturally if it’s true.
It feels like if you have to convince yourself, the answer must be no. It feels like there should be outside sources validating you. A hard lesson for me has been that that the outside validation usually won’t come. If you’re a sensitive soul like I am, this is hard to accept. If you have trouble being confident as I do, this is hard to accept.
So what to do when you feel like no one cares? In a strange way, the answer was given to me before I even asked the question. A few weeks ago at mass I was blessed with quiet children and the ability to actually concentrate on prayer- a rare occurrence in my life these days.
I saw Jesus holding out his heart to me as he has done many times, but this time it was wounded and bleeding and every part of it was hurting. His heart had been scourged relentlessly. He was aching for love and feeling misunderstood by every single soul he had created who was made to love him, the source of all goodness and love.
In a moment that felt both maternal and childlike, I took his heart in my hand and wanted to just make it all better. I wanted him to know that every rebuff, every sin, every slight was unintended and that if we just knew him, and if we really were able to concentrate on him at all times, we would make him know how loved he is. It’s not that we hate him; we just lack the capacity to make him know love at all times the way he deserves.
Every person will disappoint us in this same way. Every person lacks the ability to make us know that we are as loved as we deserved to be loved. What’s amazing is that God knows how we feel times seven billion. He feels the ache of being misunderstood and forgotten. He knows exactly what it’s like to feel like no friend really cares. Leading up to his passion and death on the cross, the ultimate act of sacrificial love, his closest friends denied him.
If people can deny the perfect person, then they sure as heck can deny me. That doesn’t mean that any of us deserve to be forgotten; it just means that every person lacks the ability to love perfectly. We just can’t do it for each other.
So what to do when you feel like no one cares? I’m not sure what works for you, but I did something that felt both unnatural and natural. I had a cocktail on my back stoop and talked to God out loud. I sure hope my neighbor wasn’t listening, as she surely will think I’m a nutcase. Knowing that Jesus knows already what I feel and how my heart is hurting, I was able to be completely honest. (“Hold on, Jesus, while I refill my drink. Boy, that sure is a nice sunset. Thanks.”) Yes, I am a total Jesus dork and I realize you may x out of this post right about now. I’m just sharing what worked for me to put things in perspective because I hope other people might get it too. If you don’t think Jesus is real, you’re probably going to think I’m a certifiable crazyhorse. ("She sure is. Who uses that term? Is that even a thing?") But if you have spent a while trying to love him and trying to stick by him and trying to make sense of the world through his Church and have been gifted with some grace to know he’s real, then you may get what I mean. I hope you do, because the human heart can be such a lonely place and I would love to make it less lonely for you by sharing my experience. Long story short, turn to him. He gets it. He loves you. He is a fantastic listener. He will send you comfort (but be patient with his timing and don’t expect an answer in the way you expect!)
Whatever you do, don’t turn to toxic relationships that take you farther away from Jesus in your desire for real love. Been there, done that. It doesn’t work. When it feels like no one cares, offer your heart to him. It was made for him and he desires it more than you will ever know.
He has a plan for you and is giving you an empty space right now in order to fill it in the future. Nothing will be wasted.
Please know too that I am praying for anyone who is lonely. Being lonely doesn’t make you weird; it makes you human. I pray we will all end up meeting in Heaven where there is no loneliness. Remember- Jesus has gone before us to prepare us a place where all will be understood and clear and where the love our hearts' needs are perfectly cared for.
God bless you now and always :)